Rocky Mountain High
You know you're in a pretty tight spot when you're a fundamentalist preacher with a high political profile and your defense is: "I only bought crystal meth from that gay hooker."
Maybe Jimmy Swaggart could survive something like that, but then Jimmy isn't gay.
Good luck in your future endeavours, Ted. You're going to need it.
Or, to quote that other Haggard (Merle):
I'd like to hold my head up and be proud of who I am / But they won't let my secret go untold / I paid the debt I owed them, but they're still not satisfied / Now I'm a branded man out in the cold
Update 8:00 PM ET:
Ted Haggard, the beleaguered pastor of a Colorado Springs evangelical church who had denied having sex with a male prostitute, has been fired by an oversight board, which found him guilty of "sexually immoral conduct."
I almost hate to say this, but I don't feel sorry at all for Haggard (Ted, that is). He's a typical, hypocritical, mouth-breathin', Bible-thumpin', hooker-humpin', sister-marryin, rifle-rack-in-the-pickmup neocon wingnut idjit... who just also happens to like smoking crystal meth and having sex (paid sex, at that) with men.
By his own logic (if one can call it that), he should be condemned to an eternity in Hell.
Of course, maybe once he feels the full brunt of his brethrens' "Christian forgiveness", he'll vote Democrat in an effort to save his soul.
I just LOVE seeing these bastards get their just desserts.