Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Wally World - Where Tacky Reigns SU-preme

The lovely-yet-talented Mrs 618 and I were at Wally World the other day, doing some holiday shopping (bite my shorts, O'Reilly, you terrorist sympathizer) for the various munchkins in the extended family.

Among other things, we got a "Crime Scene Investigation" set -- complete with white and black fingerprint powders -- for a certain 7-year-old forensics genius (no, he lives somewhere far, far away, so we don't have to clean the shit up). I wanted to get a drum set for the four-year-old nephew, but that idea was shot down (remember when Little Ricky Ricardo [as opposed to Little Ricky Santorum] got his first drum set?).

We also saw something truly tacky, even by Wally World standards. I wouldn't mention it, except Missouri Mule at BlondeSense mentions my mother's all-time favorite holiday gag gift (celebrate this, ya blotchy-faced, morally-leprous, walking-talking anal wart terrorist sympathizer), Big Mouth Billy Bass.*

Big Mouth Billy Bass is passe. Wally World now has... get ready... a moving, talking deer head, complete with karaoke microphone. The ears wiggle, the head moves side to side, and the mouth opens and closes. He evens sings "Friends in Low Places." Didn't get a chance to kill Bambi this year? Don't worry, Wally World will save you from a lifetime of embarrassment. Perfect for putting over the fake mantle in the double-wide, right next to the aluminum tree. And it's less than a hundred bucks (so to speak).

* Did you know the Queen of England has a Big Mouth Billy Bass? On display in the Palace? And that she demonstrates it for all her guests? I can just see Shrub staring at it, mesmerized, with drool running down his weak little, receding chin...

1 comment:

  1. See, all Tiara wearing queens must have these. :)