O'Reilly's Favorite Things

Dedicated to our very own blotchy-faced, self-righteous, sanctimonious, hypocritical, lying tub-o-turd...

To the tune of "My Favorite Things"

Smearing a hooker with hot fresh falafel
Doing things to her that are not quite lawful,
Tying her down on my new innerspring…
These are a few of my favorite things.

Screaming at libruls and egging on bombers,
Pissing off people to build ratings numbers…
Screeching and preaching, (I’m such a witling)
These are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in black leather with seamed fishnet stockings,
Doing things to me that truly are shocking,
Handcuffs and ball gags and little cock rings…
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I’m looking
At the news polls,
I don’t feel too smug.
I simply remember that Bush is still king
And then I give Rush a hug.

Hanging with Malkin, and Matt Drudge and Britt Hume,
Claiming that our farts smell just like perfume,
Watching as Chimpster fucks up everything
These are a few of my favorite things.

Torturing A-rabs and people of color,
Claiming Alito’s a real nice feller
Wishing I’D have an illicit fling,
These are a few of my favorite things

Espousing my bullshit while waving a flag,
Doing Ann Coulter, though she’s such a hag,
Being a neo-con, rude and bo-ring
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I’m looking
In the mirror
I don’t like what I see
I simply remember that I am the one
King of hypocrisy

Mouth-breathing, gun-toting, and hooker-humping,
Sister-molesting, while still Bible-thumping,
Praying the truth doesn’t really have wings,
These are a few of my favorite things

Bitching that Christmas was stolen from us
Hoping that Murtha falls under a bus
Lying and killing and even cheating…
These are a few of my favorite things.

Supporting our soldiers by staying at home,
Paying off Christians by throwing ‘em a bone,
Being so snide and condescending
These are a few of my favorite things.

I’m a douchebag,
I’m a dipshit,
I don’t need to live.
So when the Dems win in twenty-ought-six
I’ll go jump off a bridge