Sunday, May 20, 2007

More Family Values From the "Party of God"

Warning: the affidavit of SD Attorney General Larry Long, referred to in this piece , is medically graphic and may be disturbing.

The GOP -- or "Party of God" (yes, they're dyslexic) -- continually bleats about its commitment to "family values", as demonstrated by Rev Ted Haggard buying and smoking meth with a male prostitute, Guiliani and Gingrich's multiple divorces (and according to the Bible, their subsequent adulterous affairs), and of course the Terri Schiavo situation. The Religious Reich is also famous for its tolerance of others and other lifestyles:
  • Jerry Falwell on 9-11: "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"
  • Fred Phelps, also on 9-11 victims: "The Lord God Almighty killed [the people who died on 9/11], looked at them in the face, laughed and mocked at each one of them as he cast each one of them into hell".
  • Bigus Dickus Cheney on the poor: "That's a source that didn't even exist 10 years ago....Four hundred thousand people make some money trading on eBay."
  • Barbara Bush on Katrina refugees: "What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.... And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this — this is working very well for them."
  • Michelle Malkin: any time she opens her mouth
  • Rush Limbaugh: ditto
  • Bill O'Reilly: ditto
The GOP and their minions have given us such wonderful, "Christian" gifts as the Iraq War, waterboarding, NSA wiretapping, Attorneygate, Plamegate, and Gitmo... all in God's name, of course.

The latest in a long -- and probably never-ending -- line of "Family Values" Rethuglicans is former SD State Representative Ted Alvin Klaudt, of Walker. His commitment to "Family Values?"

  • Eight counts of second-degree rape
  • Two counts of sexual exploitation of a minor
  • Two counts of witness tampering
  • Sexual contact with a person under 16
  • Stalking

Teddy accomplished his little perversions by telling three foster children, a cousin of one of the foster kids, and a friend of his own daughter, that they could make up to $20,000 by donating eggs to a fertility clinic. Klaudt himself, of course, conducted the necessary vaginal "examinations" [Long affidavit, pages 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 18, 19, 20] and "collections" [pages 4, 8, 14]. Klaudt also conducted breast examinations [pages 3, 4, 9, 10, 12, 16, 18, 21].

As the case started coming together, and as his hidden perversions came to light, Klaudt threatened the victims [pages 9, 17].

Klaudt, who admitted he "had not ever received any medical training" [page 22], was arrested on two warrants, one from Corson County for the offenses committed in Walker, the other from Hughes County, for the offenses committed in Pierre, the state capitol.

Klaudt, of course, is every girl's dream of the first man to see her naked or touch her vagina and breasts. What girl wouldn't want this pudgy little turdball exploring her body?

And let us not forget one other claim to fame for the great state of South Dakota: their new abortion law last year, which gave us the unforgettable "sodomized virgin" exception:

A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.

Can't you just see SD State Senator Bill Napoli (R, of course) fondling himself as he formulates the only exception to the abortion ban?

These bozos -- from bush's "culture of life" that gave us a record number of executions to Klaudt, Gingrich, Haggard, Bakker, JimmyJeff GannonGuckert -- support family values?!?

Give me a break.

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