Sunday, January 20, 2008

Everything's Bigger in Texas...

Guy is in Fort Worth for a business convention.

He signs in at his hotel, and finds his single room is over 1500 square feet. He asks the desk clerk, who says, "Everything's bigger in Texas."

He orders a steak for dinner, and is served a four-pound monster T-bone. the waiter says, "Everything's bigger in Texas."

Guy orders a shot at the bar; the bartender plops a 16-ounce tumbler full of Jack Daniels in front of him. Yup, "Everything's bigger in Texas."

After a few hours in the bar, the guy heads back to his room, but he's so drunk, he falls into the pool.

"Don't flush! Don't flush!" he screams.

Well, they're right, everything is bigger in Texas... even the venality of their politicians.

Grace Saenz-Lopez, the mayor of Alice, Texas, is in deep doo-doo, facing allegations of a faked death, an attempt to hide the evidence, and a cover-up.

And because everything is bigger in Texas, the stupidity is bigger, too. All this is over a dog. A Shih Tzu, to be exact.

Saenz-Lopez has been indicted oon two counts of tampering with physical evidence.

For stealing a dog.

She had agreed to take care of the dog for friends while they were on vacation. A day or so later, she told her friends their dog had died.

But Puddles wasn't dead.

Saenz-Lopez decided to keep Puddles, and renamed her Panchito. The original owners sued and filed a criminal complaint. The mayor's response? "The dog is missing."

The missing dog was found at the mayor's twin sister's house... after a "mysterious lady" had found the dog.

Just to make matters even more interesting, it's now being reported that the mayor's lawyer threatened the DA handling the case, saying, "You [expletive deleted] with my client, I'm going to [expletive deleted] with you."

Gotta love them Texans.

What is with these people anyway? Most Texans are about as useful as screen doors in a submarine. And no Texan -- NO Texan -- should ever be allowed to run for President. The last two Presidents we've had from Texas -- Johnson and the decider -- were both tacky, cheap, trailer trash. Of course, the Commander Guy isn't really from Texas; he was born in New Haven, CT, before attending such well-known Texas institutions as Exeter Academy, Yale, and Hahvahd.

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