Republicans: Restoring Honesty to Government.

Yeah, right.

Maine's governor-elect Paul LePage has announced his 22-year-old daughter, Lauren, will be an assistant to his chief of staff at a salary of $41,000 per year, a salary that is "commensurate with her experience, work history and education."

LePage's spokesdrone says state rules against hiring relatives do not apply to politicans with an "R" after their names.

Lessee, her work history... "several stints" clerking at Marden's Surplus and Salvage, a local retailer that is somewhere between Sanford and Sons and Wally World on the retail food chain and waitressing.

Marden's Newspaper Ad

Yup, perfect preparation for a job dealing with "constituent concerns" in the new administration. Lauren, a typical fat-assed, ugly-as-homemade-sin rethuglican twit with more chins than a Chinese phone book, graduated with a degree in biology but apparently decided that politics beat "yew want fries wid dat?".

Lauren LePage, Rethuglican Lust-Goddess

Come to think of it, waitressing and clerking ARE important constituent concerns to a Republican administration, in that those are going to be two of the main constituencies once the Rethugs get settled in.

And Marden's loves buying vacant Wally World stores, because they already have that hopeless, crappy atmosphere.

Be interesting to see if they try to claim the Homestead tax break on the governor's mansion (both LePage and his fat-assed ugly wife tried to claim exemptions on their homes in Florida and Maine, claiming that each was the family's primary residence. They managed to skate however, when a rethuglican judge said it was perfectly understandable that they didn't know where they lived.

LePage, of course, is an ardent teabagger, to the extent that he denied any connection with the teabaggers when questioned by reporters, who then rolled some footage of LePage at various teabagger events, thanking the faithful for their obeisance.

Several weeks back, LePage held a meeting with a number of business leaders -- a meeting from which consumer advocates, environmentalists, and other thinking-types were intentionally excluded -- in which he told the executives "we're already on your side, and we need your help to defeat the legislature."

Let the fun and games begin. This should be almost as good as having ole gee-dumbya back.

New Years Resolutions, Part I

In this holiday season, when the christianist right is demanding that we worship their mythical holy figure (despite the fact that everything they themselves do is completely antithetical to the core tenets of Christianity) while at the same time mindlessly lashing out at those Americans who prefer to think for themselves, I have concluded that it is time to treat them the way they treat everyone else.

Jeff Foxworthy, the alleged comedian who is about as funny as a stroke, once defined "redneck" as "the glorious absence of class." It is his crowd, the teabagger-neocon-wingnut fringe idiots who have elevated stupidity to a desirable status, who revel in their ignorance, who delight in their ability to sow hatred and disgust where ever they may go, who believe that insult, degradation, and humiliation are appropriate and fashionable means of expression.

In their honor, my New Year's resolutions:

• Accept the fact that the only language they understand is their own, a curious mixture of theocratic gobbledygook, country bumpkinisms, and pure unadulterated gibberish that promotes mindless, vicious hatred and vitriolic diatribes against all but their own, with acceptance of the fact that they are so figgin dumb that they could never comprehend Dick and Jane books, never mind something as sophisticated as "My Pet Goat" (which to your average redneck is another term for "girlfriend;
• Understand that the right-wing losers are the way they are because of their tendency to breed early, often, and with members of their immediate family, resulting in a sub-species of slack-jawed drooling inbred idiots whose family trees are nothing but straight lines;
• Realize that their tendencies towards homosexuality-tinged-with-homophobia is due to the fact that their wimmenfolks are (a) syphilitic crackwhores with all the sexual attractiveness of naked mole rats, (b) screeching fingernail-on-the-blackboard fishwives, or (c) fat ignorant sluts who'll spread their sweaty thighs for a shot of Jack Daniels and a half-smoked Kool and that their innate racism is nothing more than camouflage for their desire to get them some dark meat like McCain's half-breed Hindu mistress;
• Accept the fact that their panty-in-a-wad hissy-fittedness in Congress is simply because they know they don't have the brainpower to fart without help.