Losers in Lauderdale

In his series of Travis McGee thrillers, author John D MacDonald referred to Ft. Lauderdale, FL, as "Fort Lauder-damn-dale."  It appears four Ft Lauderdale firefighters have been arrested in a sordid little scam involving -- surprise! -- fraudulent recertification training records (see my previous rants here and here). These four losers decided sitting through a recertification class in Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support (I've also seen it listed as Advanced Cardiac Life Support) was less important than whatever they wanted to do instead.

And what exactly is ACLS? Here is the course content from the American Heart Association website:

• Key changes in advanced cardiovascular life support, reflecting the 2010 American  Heart Association Guidelines for Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation and Emergency Cardiovascular Care
• Basic life support skills, including effective chest compressions, use of a bag-mask device and use of an (AED)
• Recognition and early management of respiratory and cardiac arrest
• Recognition and early management of peri-arrest conditions such as symptomatic bradycardia
• Airway management
• Related pharmacology
• Management of acute coronary syndromes (ACS) and stroke
• Effective communication as a member and leader of a resuscitation team
• Effective Resuscitation Team Dynamics
 

This is a paramedic-level training program, what with the pharmacology aspects (there is also a scaled-down version, "ACLS for EMT Basics" that I took, which was fascinating).

As a prospective patient, I would say that this skill set would be kinda critical for, oh, I don't know, maybe, SAVING MY LIFE?

Yet these four firefighter/medics, these MORONS couldn't be bothered.

This is what I had to say two years ago:

You may wonder what the big deal is. It's this: we're talking skills and knowledge needed to save lives. We're not talking about missing the latest changes to the Tax Code, or a fast-breaking tech bulletin on Toyota's acceleration issues here. We're talking life or death. How to calculate the appropriate dosage of the appropriate medication for your infant based on size and weight, or remembering how to correctly interpret an ECG strip or perform an endotracheal intubation successfully. You know, the stuff that will keep you alive so you can walk your daughter down the aisle at her wedding and bounce your grand kids on your knee.

The thing is, I don't know if he is truly a lazy bastard, or if he got in with the wrong crowd (as our parents used to say), or what. Whatever the reason, he has made our jobs harder, by violating the trust the public had in us.

It is even more true today.

Do today's civil servants have ANY understanding of the trust placed in us? Do they not understand that we have the citizens' very lives in our hands?

I don't know if this is a carry-over from the "me generation" or what, but it seems that too many folks in emergency services are in it just for what society can do for them, and their eventual career prospects, rather than what they can do for society. (Gee, where have I heard that concept before?)

And yet, it's not just an American problem, for in Australia, we see that medics have been stealing fentanyl -- a powerful painkiller 100 times more potent than morphine -- from ambulance drug stocks... and apparently have been doing so for years.

Is this why we are losing so many of the more dedicated medics (and cops and firefighters) around the world? Are the "good guys" looking around and seeing themselves surrounded by maggots who aren't fit to shine our boots? Are they seeing these scum becoming more and more prevalent, and even advancing into command positions?

I can tell you that the decent folks in these fields are getting more and more worried about being contaminated by the arrogant putzes in the field. And yes, the lying, thieving losers are a very small minority (I hope), but they are the ones getting noticed, the ones getting the press coverage, the ones tarring us with their feces-encrusted brushes.

I'm not a paramedic, I'm an EMT-Basic (mostly because I never had the roughly $10,000 for the medic course, nor did I have the 2000 hours free time), so I cannot do all the "Johnny and Roy magic" that Justin Schorr, Kelly Grayson, Michael Morse, Mark Glencourse, Chris Kaiser or the other paramedics can do. I can "only" do BLS skills... like CPR and giving you aspirin when you're having a heart attack and stopping your bleeding, and stuff. BUT... the instructors in both my ACLS for Basics class and the "Pre-Hospital Trauma Life Support" (PHTLS) course said, "BLS skills save more lives than ALS skills."

Of course, all of this is moot if the patient cannot survive until we get there. Take a CPR/first aid class. They're available through the American Red Cross, American Heart Association, Emergency Care and Safety Institute, American Safety and Health Institute, and a host of others. If nothing else, call your local YMCA, YWCA, or fire department... they can tell you who's running courses in your area.

Eleven Simple Words

A couple of days ago, I did a post about a prostitution case going on here in Maine. A local businessman and a Zumba instructor were charged with promotion of prostitution and engaging in prostitution, respectively (along with dozens of other misdemeanor charges). Some of the alleged johns objected to having their names released to the media. My comment then was, "[...] if you don't want your name in the papers, don't break the law."

This case -- especially the refusal to release the client list -- has made this a national news story. Brian Williams spoke about it last night on the NBC Nightly News (probably the best-known prostitution case since the Secret Service yahoos down in South America).

The judge in the case originally allowed the names to be released, but no addresses, to protect the privacy of those involved (some of the charges against the alleged callgirl and... manager[?]... include invasion of privacy, for recording the encounters).

Today, the judge announced that middle initials and addresses could be released, with the concurrence of John Does 1 and 2:

Kennebunk police Lt. Anthony Bean Burpee said he had been inundated with calls from people with names similar to those on the list released Monday. Police re-released the list Tuesday morning with the addition of middle initials.

It certainly makes sense, especially since we have a lot of folks here in Maine with very similar names.

One of those names, by the way, happens to belong to a former mayor of the City of South Portland, James A. Soule, now residing in Fort Myers, FL. (The position of Mayor in South Portland is largely ceremonial). Another is Donald Hill, the now-former hockey coach at Kennebunk High School. Hill joined the coaching staff in 1993. Here in Maine, high school hockey holds the same status as high school football in Texas: it's damn near a religion.

It's a shame that so many reputations are being destroyed as a result of this case: the businessman, who was a well-respected insurance agent, the Zumba instructor, the Mayor, the coach, but they all learned one simple lesson the hard way. If you don't want to see it on the front page of the newspaper, don't do whatever you were thinking of doing.

This kinda goes back to another recent post, about public employees screwing up. Maybe I'm old-fashioned (hell, I know I am; the lovely yet talented Mrs618 tells me so often enough), but it seems to me that if you are going to be a public employee, whether fire chief, cop, medic, mayor, high school coach, whatever, you need to hold yourself to a higher standard of behavior.

Public employees should be role models. We should be the ones the youth of today aspire to be tomorrow. Face it, the heroes of our generation -- Mickey Mantle, Andy Granatelli, Scooter Rizzuto, Whitey Ford -- they're all gone, replaced by useless scum like Michael Vick and Mike Tyson, who are basically athletically-gifted thugs. But what of the other heroes of our time? When I was a kid, we all wanted to be cops or firemen. Very few aspired to be President (as Dennis Smith pointed out in Report From Engine Co. 82, being President was a birthright). None wanted to be an investment banker. Hell, that profession didn't even exist!

There are still kids today who want to be cops, or firefighters, or medics, or members of the military. These are time-honored professions, and have historically been a stepping stone for social advancement over the last couple of centuries. If we want to keep these traditions alive, we must act accordingly.

Am I saying a cop cannot accept a cup of coffee, a donut, or the ubiquitous free apple? No, I see nothing wrong with a little "thank you" to those who risk their lives for us. What I do object to, however, is the current trend of civil servants (who are neither civil nor servile) taking it upon themselves to be the arbiters of what is proper and just. And by civil servants, I mean all who (at least theoretically) serve the public, whether paid or volunteer.

Cops who view free meals at luxury restaurants as their due, firefighters who raid department treasuries, mayors who patronize prostitutes, football coaches at state universities who molest their young players... these are the people we expect our children to emulate? Good God, no.

Groups like the Minutemen and the Oath Keepers should have no place in American society, yet in some parts of the country, they are a major player -- if not the major player -- in local law enforcement and the military. Should our youth grow up to be like these cretins? Hell, no.

Do I have all the solutions? Of course not, I don't claim to. Hell, I don't know if I have any of the solutions, other than one that should be blindingly, glaringly obvious to everybody: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Eleven simple words.

A Leroy Jethro Gibbs Head Slap To My Fellow Professionals

FireGeezer has been running a series of articles on "promotional opportunities," openings in the upper ranks caused by various malefactions perpetrated by the incumbents. Usually -- but not always -- the offenses are various forms of embezzlement, theft, misappropriation, and other naughty uses of the department's resources.

As a volunteer firefighter/EMT whose department enjoys magnificent support from the taxpayers in town, I have to say something to the officers betraying the public trust:

KNOCK OFF THE FRICKIN BULL, GUYS!

With the economy the way it is these days, fire departments are favorite target for budget cutters: "they jes' sit there in th' fire house, snappin' they suspenduhs, takin' them trucks to go shoppin', an' why we need so many a them, ennyways?"

We need the public to trust us, to believe that when we ask for things, it's because we need them, not because it's cool to have these toys.

The economy is, as John McCain once said, "cratering." As a taxpayer, I want my money to be used effectively, for my benefit, and for the community's benefit, not the private benefit of some thieving officer. I want to know that my local fire department has the personnel, the training, the tools and equipment, and the ability to save MY life. I want to know the local ambulance has the fentanyl or morphine I need after a car crash, instead of finding out some junkie medic drew it out and refilled the ampule with water.

But this is reflective of an even greater problem in emergency services.

We think we're entitled to whatever we want, or want to do.

We're not.

Over the past year, there have been stories of firefighters flipping off photographers during a parade, firefighters having prostitutes in the fire station, medics stealing drugs, cops kicking handcuffed females because they felt "threatened" and a pile of other assorted crap.

WE HAVE TO SMARTEN UP.

Those of us in public service -- no, let's call it by it's correct name, CIVIL service -- have a responsibility to the public. Yeah, when I was a cop, I hated it when some citizen said "I pay your salary." Yeah, maybe the guy was an ass, but. BUT HE WAS RIGHT.

We get (hopefully) better-than-average pay, better-than-average insurance benefits (face it, how many burger flippers, investment bankers, or politicians get killed in the line of duty?), and worse-than-average working conditions, schedules, and uniforms.

In return, we owe the community that pays us. We need to do the best job we can; they deserve our best efforts. But what happens? We lie, we cheat, we steal. And then we wonder why the public doesn't love us anymore?

Back on June 13, 2011, Justin Schorr, the Happy Medic, posted a video of the funeral procession for SFFD Lt. Vincent Perez and FF/PM Anthony Valerio. In the video, a young boy, dressed in  kid's bunker gear, salutes the fallen as the trucks go by. Go. Read the post, watch the video, and come back. And don't try to tell me your eyes were dry at the end. The kid gets it. He really gets it. And not because his dad is a firefighter and his mom's a cop, he gets it because he was raised right, to respect those who sacrifice for others. (And, yeah, I was proud to see the Red Cross ERV [Emergency Response Vehicle] at 2:44).

If we want to be worthy of this child's respect, we have to EARN it. Not be being greedy, or cheap, or crooked, or slimy, but by being the best cops, firefighters, and medics we can be.

That child deserves no less, society deserves no less, and, you know what? WE deserve no less.

4.5 Earthquake, Southern Maine

The U.S. Geological Survey is reporting a 4.5 magnitude earthquake struck southern Maine about 7:12 this evening. According to the local NBC affiliate, people called reporting the quake from as far away as New York City.

Now, we're hearing that the quake went from 4.5 to 4.6 (and remember, each full digit is an increase of 10 times the previous digit; i.e., a 5.0 is ten times as powerful as a 4.0) and is now at 4.0.

Either way, I didn't feel it. Guess this means I gotta lose some weight.

Oh, and there are no reports of injuries, fortunately.

What Happened in Vegas Didn't Stay in Vegas...

Back on September 14, FireGeezer ran a post about a traffic crash in Vegas that killed 4 and injured 8. The driver of the car was identified as 23-year-old Gary Lee Hosey, who apparently has a long history with Clark County law enforcement agencies. He also apparently has no drivers license.

Reports indicate Hosey was travelling about 100 miles per hour (as estimated by a cop gassing up his cruiser moments before the accident occured). The car hit a pole and went airborne before crashing into a bus stop shelter, where the four vitims were waiting for their bus. Three pedestrians were also critically injured, as were the five occupants in Hosey's vehicle (well, his girlfriend's vehicle, to be precise).

Blood and breath tests indicated Hosey had been drinking (his BAC was well above the 0.08 limit) and also showed marijuana in his system. Unlike every other drunk driver with JACOB Syndrome (Just A Couple Of Beers), Hosey claimed to have only had one.

In just the last two years, Hosey had racked up charges of marijuana possession, obstructing a public officer, lewd conduct, and larceny. Now he can add four counts of felony DUI causing death.

Now, what makes this sorry case blogworthy, other than the death of four innocents?

It seems to me that the system in Clark County failed. It failed the dead, it failed the injured, it even fail Hosey.

I suspect we'll find that Hosey came from a broken home, might very well have been abused as a child, and just generally had a crappy life. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't excuse what Hosey did, and it certainly doesn't justify it, but -- assuming that's the case -- the poor kid didn't have a chance in life. But, that said, once it became obvious that Hosey was a lost cause, somebody should have locked him up. Even a few months might have been able to get him help. If nothing else, if his little butt had been in the slammer in mid-September, four folks would still be alive, eight others wouldn't be injured.

And there wouldn't be two little girls asking, "when's Gramma coming back home?"

It was his choice to smoke a blunt, pop "a" Bud (yeah, one, sure...) and get behind the wheel, especially without a license.

On the other hand, now maybe we can lock his ass up.

"Missippi" Madness, and Teabaggin Looney Toons

First, when I lived down in Memphis, everybody ( or "evurbodda") referred to the state directly south as "Missippi." So there.

A friend sent me a link to an article in the Jackson (MS) Free Press, in which a reporter interviews three Teabaggers down there. One in particular is quite enlightening (if one can use that term about Missippi). Janis Lane (a female-Murrican) says:

Our country might have been better off if it was still just men voting. There is nothing worse than a bunch of mean, hateful women. They are diabolical in how than can skewer a person. I do not see that in men. The whole time I worked, I'd much rather have a male boss than a female boss. Double-minded, you never can trust them.

Because women have the right to vote, I am active, because I want to make sure there is some sanity for women in the political world. It is up to the Christian rednecks and patriots to stand up for our country. Everyone has the right to vote now that's 18 or over (who is) a legal citizen, and every person that's 18 and over and a legal citizen should be active in local politics so they can make a change locally, make a change on the state level and make a change in Washington, D.C. [emphasis added]

 

That's right, folks, a female -- you know, with the magical ladyparts that have "ways to try to shut that whole thing down" -- says that women should not be allowed to vote. And she's gonna vote for people who will revoke her right to vote.

Which brings me to a somewhat fuller discussion of an update to an earlier post. Bryan Fischer, neanderthal leader of the equally neanderthal American Family Association, says that women should never be in any position of authority, leadership, or any position of power whatsoever. One commenter had this to say:

Ok, Jesus was the biggest sexist and bigot of them all. I have no problem saying it. At least Jesus has the fact that he's not real to hid behind. A pity that Fischer can't have the same fact... [snip] All I can say is, now that we women have our freedom, we are NOT going back to second class citizens. I will get in the kitchen only when I have this man's dick in the oven, and I would gladly and happily server it to him on a hotdog bun.

And good ole Bubba's response:

And you're a perfect example why women should be kept illiterate and barefoot in the kitchen, preferably chained to the stove.

Lessee, vote for the revocation of my own rights and go back to being worse off than a slave? Makes sense to Maybelle Bubba-ette.

Oh, sweet baby Jeebus, would ya PLEASE friggin secede, already???

Jurassic Pork Strikes Again

UPDATE: from JP: Dude, I didn't write that article. I made it quite plain that Gary Cohn wrote it and I merely crossposted it for Barb O'Brien at Mahablog at her request. My apologies to all involved.

My old buddy Jurassic Pork has an article at Welcome Back To Pottersville that you just simply have to read. It concern the "compassionate conservatism" of one Willard "Mitt" Romney. And how ole Mitt screwed over a guy who worked for one of the many companies the BainBorg assimilated.

Go read it.

And ask yourself why anyone with a net worth of less than a million bucks would vote for this heartless scumbubble.

Religious "Freedom"

Update: see below.

I came across an interesting piece in The World this morning (I stuck in the link, but you'll need a subscription to view it). The October 19 issue refers to a column in Canada's The Globe and Mail. In that column, Doug Saunders writes:

In country after country, whenever people assert their self-proclaimed religious freedoms, “terrible things tend to happen.” The concept has been invoked by Indian Hindus to justify killing Muslims, by Sri Lankan Buddhists to imprison Hindus, by Israeli Jews to deny Muslims’ citizenship, and by Egyptian Islamists to oppress Coptic Christians. In many places, religious freedom refers to the right to restrict women’s freedom. [emphasis added]

Hmmm, what are the far-right evangelicals demanding here? "Religious freedom." And how do they want to utilize this freedom? By banning all abortions (except those under the "sodomized virgin" rule), even for rape victims (“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. [. . .] I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”). By making it legal to pay women less than men. By eliminating access to birth control and cancer screenings.

Saunders uses examples from places like India and Sri Lanka. It's scary to realize that those same third-world situations apply here.

So, in effect, what they're asking for is the freedom to deny us our freedoms. In the name of religion, of course.

Update, 10-16-12, via Tengrain at Dependable Renegade: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6PjAYNl24E&feature=player_embedded; Bryan Fischer explaining how the Bible says women cannot be put in a position of authority over men.

To Print Or Not To Print...

... that is the question...

Here in Maine, we're currently dealing with a small prostitution ring, allegedly run by an insurance agent and a Zumba instructor. The cops say they have "The List" of more than 150 johns, including "several prominent community figures." A bunch of lawyers are trying (desperately) to keep "The List" under wraps, to protect the guilty.

"We think there's a really important principle at stake here: These people are presumed innocent. Once these names are released, they're all going to have the mark of a scarlet letter, if you will," Schwartz told reporters outside Biddeford District Court after filing the notice.

But it is apparently okay to identify the alleged prostitute and the alleged pimp/business manager/mastermind.

One of Schwartz's clients, John Doe 1, described himself in an affidavit as a disabled person who has children and is a productive member of society. He said the nature of the charge against him is so "notorious" that it would severely harm his reputation and his family and professional relationships.

"I am deeply concerned that a public spectacle will be made of the allegations as they pertain to me. I am also concerned that I will be prejudiced by reading the 'list' if it is published by local media," John Doe 1 said in the document.
 

In other words, "don't identify me cause everybody will think I'm an immoral crook for going to a hooker."


I look at it this way. If promoting prostitution is a crime, and engaging in prostitution is a crime, and soliciting prostitution is a crime, then, if you're going to publish the names of the pimps and hookers, you ought to publish the names of the johns. "But they haven't been convicted of anything," I hear you say. Hey, guess what? Neither have the other two. "But we can't expose them to public ridicule," you say. Whoopie, the other two have already been exposed.

What all the noise boils down to is this: "I'm rich and powerful, and I go to hookers, but I don't want to be held responsible for my actions."

Got news for ya, Jackson... if you don't want your name in the papers, don't break the law.

Data Breaches

We've all heard horror stories about commercial entities not taking sufficient steps to safeguard their customers' information. TJX (parent company of TJ Maxx), Hannaford Brothers Supermarkets, TD Bank, all sorts of people have been experiencing data breaches (even the Social Security Administration and -- not surprisingly -- the TSA). Many folks in the security field are trying to figure out better ways to protect this information. Believe it or not, this may be one place where the private sector really might be the solution.

Think about this:

Your company, XYZ Bank and Trust, holds confidential information on hundreds of thousands of customers. We're talking names, addresses, bank account numbers and Social Security numbers. You keep all this information on unencrypted tapes because (a) you're lazy, and (b) you don't want to spend a couple of thousand bucks on encryption software. Then, one day, you discover that the tape has vanished between Office A and Office B. Investigation indicates that the manager at Office A asked her teen-age son to drop the tape at Office B en route to pick up his girlfriend. Your customers have their information at risk.

As Karl Malden used to ask, "What will you do? What will you do?"

Here's a nice, easy solution. Fine the business a mere $100.00 for each customer potentially affected. This fine, by law, must come out of owner's or shareholder's equity, not general operating expense (which promptly gets passed right back to the consumers affected by your laziness). The cost of any credit monitoring comes out of owner's or shareholder's equity. Prohibit the bank from raising interest rates charged and from reducing interest paid, for a period of two years. For particularly egregious offenses, double the fines.

Not all that bad, right?

TD Bank managed to expose the information of 267,000 customers. That would be a fine of $26,700,000. Out of the shareholders' pockets. You think the shareholders would make sure that never happened again?  Damn straight they would.

You want to really drive the point home? Fines and costs come out of executive compensation. Start with the highest paid official of the corporation, deduct all but $50,000*, and put the withheld funds towards the fines. Do that until all fines and costs have been covered. Maybe hold an extra 50% in escrow, just in case. The execs will make goddamned sure those tapes are constantly monitored.

One more twist, if you're feeling REALLY evil: if any customer's information is misused, post the same information from the executives, including Social Security, and prohibit them from changing Social Security or bank account numbers for six months.

Hit the lazy thieving bastards in the pocketbook, and they'll start paying attention.

* Some of the executives may complain that they can't live on $50,000. Point out that that's a LOT more than many of us make, and welcome them to the 99%. They'll have to sell the BMW, the Rolls, the yacht, and the Montana ranch? Cry me an effin' river, dude.

Something New. Well, Sorta...

I've mentioned once or twice in the past that I've been in emergency services for a number of years. When the lovely yet talented Mrs618 and I returned to Maine, I finally had a chance to get on the local VFD (most of the last thirty years, I've lived in areas with career FDs) and retake the EMT training.

The EMT was due, in large part, to Randy Cassingham, whom I've cited here a number of times, but also to a number of the medical bloggers out there, the guys (and gals) like Kelly Grayson, aka Ambulance Driver; Chris Kaiser (Life Under the Lights); Mark Glencourse (formerly of 999Medic, who has moved on to greener pastures); Justin Schorr, the Happy Medic; Hydrant Girl (all the times I've been banged up, I never had a medic as cute as she is); Epijunky at Pink, Warm, and Dry; and TS, aka the Urban Paramedic (who has also retired, and whom I have mentioned in the past).

But perhaps the blogger most responsible -- however you want to take that -- is Captain Michael Morse, of Providence Rescue 5. His blog, Rescuing Providence, reminded me that there still are good people out there, people who care, who give a damn. He also showed me that one can have bad stretches, where one doesn't seem to care... until "the one call"... the one that makes you whole again, that gives you the energy to get your ass back in the fight.

I've been reading Rescuing Providence daily for several years now, and leaving occasional comments on his posts, and the other day, he said I should have a blog, because my "heart is ... in the right place." I don't know if I would go quite that far, Cap, but I learned many years ago on the PD that the senior officer, like a wife, is always right.

Oh, and why haven't I blogrolled any of these excellent sites? Because when I first started this blog, way back in 2005(!) and later when we moved to Maine, I wanted to try to keep the two parts of my life separate, the political beliefs (which, if you've ever read me, you know tend to lean to the left) and the public service (where many of my brethren tend to lean to the right... sometimes, the very far right).

But, you know, looking back over the years, I can see where bits and pieces managed to sneak in between the diatribes and rants. I can see where the frustration has come in (especially when writing about cops), but I can also see where some little bits of hope have filtered in too.

If I post on any calls -- fire or EMS -- I will tell you a few things right now:

• ALL names, details, locations, etc, have been changed (I live in a very small community, where it would be too easy to ID a victim, and I don't want to run afoul of HIPAA); most will be based on things I dealt with years ago, in other states.
• Any police calls involving me will, by definition, have occurred prior to 1989, when I left the field.
• Most of the time, I'll be discussing other peoples' calls, or the administrative/political impact of decisions affecting the emergency services world.
• Who knows, I might even go back to some of my excruciatingly long posts on terrorism, the TSA, response, public safety, preparedness, or the legal system.

Anyway, if the new posts are popular, thank Captain Morse. If they suck, blame me.

Lyin' In Bed In The Hospital

Been a while since the last post. No excuses, really, other than disgust with the political system, lack of time, and even a certain amount of lost interest. Now, however, I seem to have some time.

Friday morning, about 1:30, I woke up with chest pains, and after a few minutes, had the lovely yet talented Mrs618 drive me to the hospital (I didn't call 911 because [a] I am 911 and know my fellow EMTs could do nothing except ask if I had taken some aspirins, which I had, and [b] I live closer to the hospital than the ambulance barn in the adjacent town).

Another reason I didn't call 911 was that I was only experiencing the chest tightness or pressure, not the other significant symptoms: shortness of breath, sweating, radiating pain, etc.

No heart attack, thankfully. Apparently, one has to have a heart to have a heart attack, and I've been told I'm a heartless bahstid. The doctors did, however, notice some "blips" in the ST portion of the EKG, and so here I am, enjoying another day of hospital cuisine.

Take a CPR class, learn the signals of a heart attack and learn how to do something about it.

GREAT Quote!

I normally look at The Great Orange Satan about once a year these days (being sick and tired of their incessant "we rule, you drool" yapping), and today was the day for 2012.

Bill in Portland, Maine -- the ONLY reason I even remember TGOS's web address -- has this wonderful quote:

If you take away the military hardware from a Republican campaign event, what you're left with is basically an Amway convention with slightly less polyester.

Damn straight.

Although Bill might be a little mixed up. Yes, Mittens hails from Michigan, Amway's home, but it was former Governor-wannabe and neocon extraordinaire Dick De Vos who started the multi-level marketing, pyramid Ponzi scheme known as Amway.

But he's absolutely right about the polyester.

The Bacon Sundae

So, okay, Burger King has announced they will be selling a bacon sundae, and now everybody's all a-twitter.

Denny's did the same thing last year.

It was pretty damned good, too... vanilla ice cream, maple syrup, and bacon.

Proactive Plagiarism (or Someone Beat Me to ANOTHER Great Idea)

A combination Medic Alert tag and thumb drive, called MD Alert...

"Looks like a stylish, adjustable bracelet for men and women, but it's really a personal lifesaving flashdrive that goes everywhere with you. Saves medical history and gives a snapshot of your files, in case of emergency. Features sections for living will, power of attorney, test and lab results, too."

"MD Alert" available in gold or silver finishes, for $19.99 from BryLane Home. Item # 1547-95062-492

If you or someone in your family has chronic or severe medical issues, this looks like it would be even better than the standard Medic Alert.

Doesn't indicate the storage capacity, but I bet there would be room left for a few pics of the grandkids, etc.

The lovely yet talented Mrs618 and I were talking just the other day about developing something like this, but some wise acre beat me to it. Just like various schmucks beat me to starting Mailboxes, Etc; a couple of different specialty security firms; and a few other Wile E. Coyote Super Genius ideas.

But don't worry, I am in the midst of writing the ultimate rock song. Gonna call it "Blue Suede Shoes."

Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with BryLane, other than the lovely yet talented Mrs618 getting their catalog. I hope they don't mind me plugging one of their items for them.

RIP: Herb Reed, Last Surviving Member of The Platters

This sucks.

Fat-Ass Paul LePage Chronicles, Part Ten or So

Ol Fat-Ass Paul LePage, he of more chins than a Chinatown phonebook, was quoted as saying the unemployed need to "get off the couch and get yourself a job."

Umm, Fat-Ass, I would LOVE to have a job. Any job. But I've been unemployed for almost four frickin' years, including the last two years under your fat-ass regime.

I have news for you, Jackson. Ain't no one hiring in this state. You've shut down all the state hiring, and the private sector has all the people they need. And all your tax cuts that were supposed to create jobs? Yeah, right. You give the 1% a tax cut, they either stick it in the bank or invest in some crooked politician.

Fat-Ass's equally fat-ass daughter, Fat-Ass Lauren LePage, who has a degree in eating from the University of the Fat, has a job, but that's only because Daddy hired her (in complete violation of state law, but we all know state laws don't apply to anyone with an "R" after his or her name).

I just wish I thought Fat-Ass would be unemployed himself after the next election, but Maine's answer to Sanford and Son will probably take him back in a flash.

Fat-Ass Paul LePage... the wet spot on the toilet seat of life.

Oh, and Fat-Ass's erstwhile employer, the aforementioned answer to Sanford and Son, is now selling used -- very used -- fire department bunker gear. Judging by the condition, it isn't safe for use any longer. God only knows who would want to buy dirty, smelly, unsafe bunker gear.

Fat-Ass Rethuglicans: Always SOOO Classy

This time, it's New Joisey's fat-ass rethuglican governor, Chris Christie, talking to a law student:

And let me tell you something; after you graduate from law school, you conduct yourself like that in a courtroom, your rear end's going to get thrown in jail, idiot."

...and:

I mean, damn man, I'm governor, could you shut up for a second?

Yeah, these rethuglicans certainly have restored common decency in politics.

Fat-Ass Christie's almost as reliable as Fat-Ass Paul LePage when it comes to being a venal, lying, incompetent, idiotic, hypocritical boor.

Schticks of One....

Senator Snowe Retiring

Maine Senator Olympia Snowe announced she was not going to seek re-election, citing the "atmosphere of polarization and 'my way or the highway' ideologies..." Of course, Snowe does not mention it is her party, beholden to Teabagging lunatics like Frothy, Lizardboy, and Mittens, that has been displaying those tendencies.

It will be interesting to see who fills the void.  Maine has a Teabagger governor, Fat Ass Paul LePage, a Rethuglican/Teabagger majority in both state houses, two Rethuglican Senators (Snowe and Susan Collins) and two Democratic Representatives (Mike Michaud in northern Maine and Chellie Pingree in the southern part of the state). I don't think a Democrat stands a snowflake's chance in hell, in that our illustrious voters -- at the behest of the Teabaggin', Bible-thumpin', hooker-humpin', sister-marryin', rifle-rack-in-the-pickmup, neocon wingnut idjits -- supported a "people's veto" of marriage equality... a veto funded by a bunch of out-of-state ultra-conservative whackjobs who are suing to maintain their anonymity, since they, like the rest of their ilk, are violently allergic to the light of day.

I fear that Fat Ass will prevail upon Snowe to resign early, so that Fat Ass can, in turn, resign as governor (like his Teabaggin idol, Caribou Barbie), so that his successor can appoint Fat Ass  to Snowe's seat, giving him a foot up in the next campaign.

Breitbart Dead

Right-wing blogger, famous for playing fast and loose with facts, Andrew Breitbart has died of natural causes, according to authorities. The far-right-wing whackjobs have decided that President Obama had Breitbart whacked, due to Breitbart's possession of a video of Obama that "proves" our duly-elected President is the devil incarnate, or a Muslim, or a Martian, or something.

Why don't you kids go away somewhere and let the grown-ups run things, 'kay?

Sauce for the Goose, Sauce for the Gander

The Maine Tea Party Patriot party -- better known as Maine's Teabaggin lunatic fringe -- claims unswerving loyalty to the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Maine.

One small problem: Maine's state treasurer, Bruce Poliquin.

The state Constitution states the treasurer "shall not, during the treasurer's continuance in office, engage in any business of trade or commerce, or as a broker, nor as an agent or factor for any merchant or trader."

Poliquin, who was appointed treasurer by Fat Ass Paul LePage, has continued to operate at least two separate business during his tenure.

State Rep Mark Dion, an attorney and former sheriff, asked the state's Attorney General if Poliquin's activities were within the constraints of the Constitution.  The AG, William Schneider -- also appointed by Fat Ass -- said that Poliquin should  "disassociate himself from active management" of his businesses and "not appear before any governmental bodies on behalf of entities that he owns."

Since Poliquin decided to ignore the AG's recommendations, Dion is now asking the Maine Supreme Judicial Court for a ruling.

It'll be interesting to see if the Teabaggin lunatics support the Constitution or their Teabaggin buddy. I know where my wager is going.

Girl Scouts: Cookie Monsters or Gay-Agenda, Pro-Abortion Terrorists?

Some useless little state rep in Indiana, Bob Morris, is terrified of the green-clad harbingers of doom known as the Girl Scouts, claiming they are the “tactical arm” of Planned Parenthood, a “radicalized” group with a homosexual agenda that promotes abortion while seeking “the destruction of traditional American values.”

Hey, dude, go back home and don't bother the grown-ups anymore, okay?

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/02/28/2666042/have-a-cookie-support-a-girl-scout.html#storylink=cpy

Truly Disgusting Headline:

"For Romney, a new strategy after a Santorum surge"

Please pass the brain bleach.

 

Here We Go Again...

Once again, who you know is more important than what you did...

Manhattan prosecutors have decided not to file rape charges against a son of Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly after a two-week investigation of a woman’s accusation that he had attacked her in October inside the Lower Manhattan law office where she worked, prosecutors said in a letter on Tuesday.

The Manhattan District Attorney declined to press charges, saying:

 “the facts established during our investigation do not fit the definition of sexual assault crimes,” according to the brief letter, which was written to Mr. Kelly’s lawyer, Andrew M. Lankler. “Therefore, no criminal charges are appropriate.”

Of course, had this been someone other than a police commissioner's son, you know damed well there would have been at least a grand jury investigation.

Oh, and what does Greggy do for work?

After the allegations became public, Mr. Kelly took a leave from his position as an anchor of “Good Day New York” on the Fox station WNYW (Channel 5).

But of course.

Gingrich: "Romney is a liberal"

Lizardboy has declared that Mittens is a "pro-abortion, pro-gun control, pro-tax increase liberal."

This from the guy who asked his wife for an "open marriage."

Sweet baby Jebus.

TSA Strikes Again... With Credit Where Credit is Due?

I don't really know if this should be filed under "TSA Strikes Again" or "Credit Where Credit is Due."  Senator Rand Paul (Teabaggin Independent Lunatic Fringe) was denied boarding at Nashville, after he refused a pat-down search (he had allegedly "triggered a routine alarm").

"When an irregularity is found during the TSA screening process, it must be resolved prior to allowing a passenger to proceed to the secure area of the airport," TSA spokesman Greg Soule said in a statement. "Passengers who refuse to complete the screening process cannot be granted access to the secure area in order to ensure the safety of others traveling."

At least the TSA goons treated a teabaggin "moran" the same way they treat us.

Correction Time

I just completed a post complimenting a business exec on the opinions expressed in a letter to her customers. Since I had a few minutes, I did a little background research on the company. Not good. The family strongly supports both Wisconsin Teabaggin Governor Scott Walker and the John Birch Society. Googling the company name revealed several forums full of disgruntled ex-employees, among other things.

When I saw that, I realized I had been had.

I deleted the post.

Oh, Puh-Leeeeeze...

[Update: corrected an error - should have been manly, not many.]

Just saw a commercial for Dr Pepper Ten... Pair of overly-macho adventurers talking about their shoot-em-up and the fact that Dr Pepper Ten has "only ten manly calories." They go on to disparage "girly" drinks and chick flicks.

Yeah, like guys like that are gonna worry about calories.  Remember Gablinger's Beer?

Professional-Strength Time Waster

I've been doing some cleaning around the house today, and I left the TV on for some noise. Turns out Spike TV is running a marathon of one of the most bizarre programs I've ever seen: 1000 Ways to Die. It's a series of mini-clips of really unusual deaths... swallowing an M-80 with a lit fuse, dumping a smoke into a toilet filled with gasoline.. all those good things.

I haven't gotten much done the last couple of hours...

Happy New Year. Whatever.

Today's Maine Telegram has an interesting article on some of the new laws taking effect in Maine. One law requires the state's business ombudsman to establish a "central permitting program for retail businesses." This is in keeping with Fat Ass Paul LePage's promise to make Maine big-mega-business friendly. 

The idea is to make it easier to apply for and receive annual permits required for eating and lodging establishments, and for businesses that sell liquor, wine and beer, tobacco, food, beverages, lottery tickets and gas.

Individuals applying for public assistance will also face new procedures: they will have to provide notarized affidavits from all eight great-grandparents, a celebrity chef, a Heisman Trophy winner, and a draft pick to be named later.

Looking Back. Way Back. Yet Looking Ahead, Too...

I was reading the usual blogs this morning, when one brought to mind a good memory.  I'd like to share it with you.

Back in 2006, I was conducting a First Aid/CPR/AED course for my employer. The company -- amazingly -- allowed each of its almost 1000 employees to sponsor a non-employee for First Aid/CPR/AED training, at the employer's expense.

Part of my lecture was along these lines:

We do not go into emergency services because of the fantastic schedules. We know that for the first twenty years, we will miss every holiday, every birthday, every wedding anniversary, every school play, every PTA meeting. We do not go into emergency services for the fancy uniforms. The uniforms are polyester: they are hot in the summer, cold in the winter, and they always look horrible. We do not go into emergency services for the money. There is no money in emergency services: most of us are volunteers, or at best, paid-on-call.  We do not go into emergency services for fame, fortune, glory, or greed. Do you know the name of even one police officer, firefighter, or paramedic in your town? Or do you know only the Johnnie Gages and Roy DeSotos, the Barney Millers, the Tommy Gavins? We may not admit this, especially when we're sober, but we go into emergency services because we want to make a difference. We want to keep our friends and families, our neighbors, even strangers, safe and healthy. We want people to go home to their families, their spouses, their children, in the same condition as when they left in the morning. We don't want to see tears, we don't want to hear anguished crying, we don't want to tell people their loved ones are never coming home. We want people to stay alive, to go on vacation, to see their children marry, to bounce grandchildren on their knees...

Well, the wife of one of our staff members was in that class, and she listened to what I said. No, she more than listened, she heard, she understood, for the following year when it was time to recertify her CPR, she told me she was back in school, going for a paramedic certificate to pay her way through nursing school... to become a trauma nurse and eventually, a flight crew member of the local air ambulance.

What brought that memory to mind?

This:




Via Mustang Bobby

Yeah, I guess I made a difference, too.

TSA Strikes Yet Again: They Stole My Cupcake!

A woman flying from Las Vegas to Boston learned the hard way that "what comes from Vegas, stays in Vegas." Well, sorta, at least. The woman attempted to pass through the TSA screening with a frosted cupcake.  A cupcake. The TSA officer (shown below) thought the frosting could be a security risk, so he seized it.

 

Bubba consumed the cupcake to keep 'murrica safe.

Seriously, though, this is just another instance of TSA using its obscene power and authority for the sole purpose of oppressing the American public in the name of security. It was bad enough when Richard Reid tried to light his shoe, and caused the American public to shuffle through the local Checkpoint Charlie barefoot. Then we had last year's infamous "UndieBomber" and the rigamarole about water and shampoo. Now, frosting is considered a possible terrorist threat.

C'mon, people, get real.

Frosting?  A threat?

Maybe to the Jenny Craig crowd, but fergawdsake, give me a break.

FatAss Paul LePage Chronicles

FatAss Paul LePage has decided that people who receive taxpayer's money should be drug-tested.

Wonder if that includes himself and his fatass daughter... both of whom receive taxpayer money in their state salaries.

Bet it doesn't.

Glass Houses Department

A while back, I mentioned that one of the medical bloggers I read got caught up in the Massachussetts EMS scandal, where more than 200 EMS personnel got caught falsifying recertification training records. This guy now has a post up criticizing private-sector EMS providers, and says he's embarrassed when the best excuse he can make for them is lack of training.

This coming from someone who fraudulently submitted records claiming he had attended mandated in-service training.

To use his own phrase, "Sorry, guy, I am not impressed."

If you want to bitch about someone else's training, maybe you should have made sure your own was in order.

Oh, yeah, that's right, you were too busy skipping training but claiming the credit anyway.


And he no longer allowing commenting on his blog.  Maybe he got tired of being called a hypocrite.

RIP Hal Bruno

Hal Bruno, the long-time political director for ABC News, and life-long volunteer fire fighter, has died at the age of 83.

He was the commanding general of ABC's political coverage in the 80s and 90s, but more important to me, he was a dedicated firefighter, rising to the rank of Chief in his department, and a tireless campaigner for fire safety:

In what amounted almost to a second career, Mr. Bruno was a volunteer firefighter for much of his life and became an authority on fire safety. He wrote a monthly column for Firehouse magazine.

When he retired from ABC in 1999, he was appointed chairman of the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, which honors firefighters who have lost their lives in the line of duty and provides assistance to their families, a position he held until 2008.

Mr. Westin recalled that on Sept. 11, 2001, Mr. Bruno was among the first to phone in details of the attack on the Pentagon. He had got word of a fire there and had rushed to the scene to help.

Chief Bruno won just about every award there was in the world of fire suppression.  His voice, his expertise, and his experience will be missed.

[And now, the Block Quote function has decided not to work. Don't know if it's Blogger or Microsoft or both.]

Perry: At Least He (Usually) Speaks English...

Goodhair's YouTube moment, when he forgot the third Federal agency he would eliminate as President, drew its share of humor, from Dependable Renegade all the way to Goodhair's own campaign committee.

As Tengrain might have put it, "'Hey, he's from Texas, jes lahk gee-dubya. Y'all oughta be happy he's talkin in English, and makin' full sentences,' his campaign committee didn't add."

Betting around here at 618Rants World HQ is more or less evenly split among the Department of Health & Human Services, EPA, National Endowment for the Arts, IRS, ATF, and of course GAO (Government Accountability Office)... basically, all the agencies that keep the Teabaggin wingnuts from doing whatever the hell they want.  My money is on CPB, the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (stopping to make sure I put the "L" in "public"), which isn't really a government agency per se, but the Teabaggin wingnuts hate them some CPB.

Movie review

Watched a disappointing movie last night, Certain Prey, based on a novel by John Sandford. The made-for-TV movie was produced by Mark Harmon (of NCIS fame), so -- not surprisingly -- it starred Harmon "as you've never seen him"... which is a load of hooey.

Certain Prey is part of Sandford's series about Lucas Davenport, formerly Lieutenant and Deputy Chief with Minneapolis PD and later with the Minnesota Department of Public Safety.  Davenport is described in most of the novels as relatively tall, ruggedly handsome (as opposed to Harmon's almost "pretty boy" looks), with a chilling smile.  Face it, Harmon just doesn't fit that bill.  I think Nick Chinlund (below) is much closer to Davenport's description of his protagonist:


"He was slender and dark-complexioned, with straight black hair goping grey at the temples and a long nose over a crooked smile. One of his central upper incisors had been chipped and he had never had it capped. He might have been an Indian except for his blue eyes." 

Harmon's Davenport is almost exactly like Harmon's Leroy Jethro Gibbs: calm, collected, wry, ready with a quip, driving insanely fast (although in Davenport's Porsche rather than Gibbs' Charger), and being an inhumanly accurate shot.  Not exactly Harmon "as you've never seen him." The only Gibbs characteristic that is missing is the headslap.

Comparing the movie to the book (which I had re-read the previous day) showed a lot of shortcuts and plot changes.  In the book, Carmel Loan and Hale Allen had a professional relationship prior to the killing; in the movie, they had had an affair several years earlier. There were many others, some understandable because of the transition from book to movie, others were unnecessary.

The biggest problem, though, was perhaps unavoidable, given the star's history.  In the book, the lead FBI agent's name is Louis Mallard.  Since the medical examiner on NCIS is Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard, that would have been a bit much.

An earlier "Prey" novel, Mind Prey, starred Eriq LaSalle (of ER), who was also one of the producers. This indicates to me that maybe Sandford (or his agent) should be a little more careful about selling movie rights (Sandford has a whole page about that fiasco here).

Now I'm not saying I could have done any better, or even that I could have done as well. I'm simply saying I think the movie could have been much, much better.

One of the BEST Things in Life...

... other than cuddling the lovely yet talented Mrs 618...

We had turkey for dinner last night, so today I had the pleasure of making turkey samdwiches for lunch.  Turkey, mayo, fresh-ground pepper.

It just doen't get much better.

Remind Me Again...

... why we don't have effective gun-control policies in this country?

In the last 24 hours, we've had shootings in Kent, WA, Grand Prairie, TX, and Orlando, FL, resulting in -- at last count -- twenty-one injured and five killed. This is in addition to the usual shootings that don't make national news.

Now, the NRA crowd claims that "iffin ever'one carried, we wouldn't have none o' these sittawations, cuz the law-bidin' folks would gun down them nig...err, Islam.... err, bad guys."  Texas has a huge percentage of gun nuts; where were they?  I thught the whole idea of having armed lunatics gun down the bad guys was to prevent the armed lunatics from gunning down the good guys.

How much you want to bet the shooters will be more right-wing Christianist-fundamentalist whack jobs like Gerald Loughner?  I mean, face it, we DFHs don't go on shooting sprees... that's the job of the Bible-thumpin', hooker-humpin', sister-marryin', rifle-rack-in-the-pickmup neocon wingnut idjit crowd.

Long Time, No See

...Although perhaps not long enough for some people...

I haven't been blogging for a number of reasons:

• Lack of time (still only working two days a week, but the fire department, rescue squad, and some other commitments are keeping me busy)
• So thoroughly disgusted at the political system (local and national) that I want to spit
• Not a whole lot to say that hasn't already been said by others (f'rinstance, BadTux)

I spent three weeks in Joplin, MO, with the Red Cross, doing medical outreach in the impacted areas of the city.  Quite a learning experience.  I've been through my share of hairy, nasty situations, but never have I seen such complete devastation as I did in that poor city.  On the other hand, the spirit of the folks in Joplin isn't defeatist.  Hell, it's just barely bruised.  Those folks are some tough old Midwesterners, I'll tell you that.

The job situation sucks, as does the economy.  Screw you very much, Mr Preznit Shrub with all your tax cuts for the wealthy, to "create jobs." Create jobs, my fat ass.  The only jobs created have been for defense lawyers, Mergers and Acquisitions types, and pool boys.  Oh, and the resorts where the banks invest their TARP funds.

It's hard to be creative or even coherent -- never mind amusing -- when you're wondering if you're going to be able to pay the car insurance.  And before the Tea Baggers start hootin' 'bout "iffin y'all caint afferd it, y'all shouldn't be drivin," a vehicle is an absolute necessity in Maine.  There is no public transportation ouytside of the three largest cities.  Even our frickin' state capitol doesn't have bus service.

We're surrounded by the brain-dead morans of the Tea Bagger movement here, along with their hangers-on, the birthers, creationists, and all the rest of the scum.  We even have the John Birch Society making a come-back (buncha racist motherfuggers that they are).

Only passably-good news is that the pets are doing okay (remember the mandatory pet-blogging?  Yeah, what we haven't done in like three years).  Emily the Labrador and Joey the cat adjusted well to the new 618Rants World HQ in Maine.  We even adopted a certified pre-owned cat for the Crazy Cat Lady In Training... err, the lovely yet talented Mrs618.

Some of my favorite bloggers have retired, most without notice. Just stop by their blog one day and realize it hasn't been updated in 2 years (which makes me feel a little better).

Politics doesn't change, it still attracts the slimy, the scuzzy, the corrupt.  Law enforcement still attracts the power-hungry, the "big-gun-making-up-for-the-small-dick" crowd, business still attracts the "screw you, I got mine" crowd. Rethuglicans are still lying, cheating, whoremongers, and the Biblt-thumpin', hooker-humpin', sister-marryin', rifle-rack-in-the-pickmup neocon wingnut idjit crowd are still mouth-breathing in-bred "Deliverance" NASCAR gun nut fruitloops.

I can't wait to wake up and find the whole last 11 years has been a horrible nightmare.

I feel kinda like Bob Newhart, in the "Newhart" 20th anniversary show: "I dreamt I ran a Vermont inn..." before Larry, Darryl, and Darryl step out of the elevator.

Fat-Ass Paul LePage Chronicles, Part 5

Fat-ass Paul LePage, who said last week that a pro-labor mural mural in the Department of Labor building does not complement the department's "pro-business mission," had the mural removed over the weekend.  It seems LePage's actions were based on one -- count 'em, one -- anonymous fax from "a secret admirer."  Probably his equally fat-assed daughter, the ex-junkstore cashier now making $41,000 a year as special deputy fat-ass assistant to the chief of staff.

As Bill in Portland, Maine pointed out in his column last Friday on the Great Orange Satan:

Like Governors Scott Walker (WI), John Kasich (OH), Rick Snyder (MI) and Rick Scott (FL), LePage is recklessly overreaching, believing that there's some kind of tea party safety net underneath him that will catch his fall.  All of the governors cited above are watching their popularity sink like a stone, and I have no doubt that the next poll released about LePage will show similar results.

I think he may well be right.  A number of far-right wing whackjobs here in my general area -- the ones who voted for Fat-ass because he was "gonna cut all them 'titlements and dump all that librul crap" -- are now starting to regret having voted for Fat-ass.  Several doctors were initially proud of having voted for Fat-ass, based on his promises to cut government spending. Trouble is, the spending he wants to cut is medical reimbursements... to the doctors... who say (in effect), "Hey, don't cut MY payments, cut someone else's!"

And yet, these folks don't realize that Fat-ass is doing exactly what he promised he would do: eliminate every aspect of life in Maine that was not pro-big-business.  From Day One of his campaign, he made it clear his only constituency would be big business.

Kinda hard to have any sympathy for folks being screwed over by someone who promised to screw them over if given the chance.

Fat-Ass Paul LePage Chronicles, Parts 3 and 4

More from the fat-assed one...

I. Fat-Ass Paul LePage and State Employees

Not wasting any time in getting down to dirty dealings, is he?

The internal memo written last month by LePage spokesman Dan Demeritt said the LePage administration "will put 11,000 bureaucrats to work getting Republicans re-elected."

Demeritt said the memo was not meant to be taken literally.

Yeah, right.

As the Great American Philosopher said, "who ya gonna believe, me or yer lyin' eyes?"

II. Fat-Ass Paul LePage and State Unions

Like his teabagger compatriot in the Midwest, Fat-Ass Paul LePage is trying his hand at union-busting, demanding that state employees give up virtually all their hard-won collective bargaining rights.  This would be things like vacation, insurance coverage, fair pay, safe working conditions... all the stuff Fat-ass Paul LePage hates.

Fat-Ass Paul LePage Chronicles: Part 2

You know, this fat-assed loser is starting to make Gee-Dumbya, Beck, Rush Limpdick, and the rest look sympathetic...

The walking, talking douchebag, in his never-ending effort to make Maine "business friendly" -- primarily by screwing you and me -- is now talking about overturning a ban on a known carcinogen.  He says:

"...if you take a plastic bottle and put it in the microwave, and you heat it up, it gives off a chemical similar to estrogen. So the worst case is some women may have little beards."

God forbid anything should stand in the way of executive compensation, shareholder dividends and campaign contributions.

To borrow a concept from "Sadly, No"... shorter LePage: "Who needsyour health when I have power and money?"

Fat-ass LePage Chronicles, Part I

I have a feeling I'm going to be doing a lot of writing -- a whole, big, pee-pot-full of writing -- about Fat-as Paul LePage, so I figured I might as well create a tag for it now.

Fat-ass Paul LePage and the Environment

Fat-ass Paul LePage proves once again that he is every bit as venal, corrupt, incompetent, and uncaring as his intellectual hero, gee-dubya bush.

In his latest push to make Maine friendlier to business (and screw the little guy), he now wants to "relax" dozens of environmental rules:

• He wants to repeal rules requiring that manufacturers take back recyclable goods: "Every nickel deposit business doesn't hafta pay to some damn consumer is another nickel that can go to executive compensation, stockholder dividends, and my campaign."
• He wants to open 10 million acres of northern Maine to commercial development: "Every new business we can bring to Maine will generate executive compensation, stockholder dividends, and contributions to my campaign."
• He wants to reverse a ban on a chemical in children's products that has been linked to cancer: "Why worry about kids? They can't vote for me, nor can they increase executive compensation, stockholder dividends, or contributions to my campaign."
• He wants to make Maine's environmental laws conform to less-stringent Federal laws (eventually, he'd like them to conform to the environmental laws in Mississippi, Alabama, Nigeria, Sudan, and China): "Who needs clean air and clean water?"

Of course, the environmentalists are up in arms, but it's not like fat-ass LePage kept his big-business-fellating ideas secret, for God's sake.  Since Day One of his campaign, he has been talking about making Maine look like other business-friendly communities, like Camden, New Jersey; Gary, Indiana; Detroit, Michigan; and Bangalore, India.


Fat-ass Paul Lepage and Common Courtesy

One of the folks here in town asked me why I always refer to Fat-ass Paul LePage as "Fat-ass Paul LePage." 

"Why don't you show him the respect he is due as Governor of the State of Maine?"

Two reasons:

"Go to Hell" and "Kiss my butt." 

In the "kiss my butt" fiasco, he mentioned his "son" Devon Raymond.  Of course, as a rethuglican teabaggin lyin sack-o-turd, Fat-ass LePage is still not telling the truth.  Raymond was not adopted by the Fat-ass LePage family (hell, he probably isn't even in this country legally).  Raymond's daddy caddied for Fat-ass when Fat-ass was on vacation a few years back.

So I'll show Fat-ass LePage some common courtesy when he does the same for others.

I'm not holding my breath, though.

More on Fat-ass Paul LePage and his assault on common courtesy here.

Fat-Ass LePage Kisses Booty.

Fat-ass Paul LePage is at the MLK breakfast in Waterville today.

This is less than a week after he told the black community to "kiss my butt."

He initially said he wasn't going because he was going to a funeral.  Guess Fat-ass realized the funeral would be his political funeral.

Looks like he's the one who wound up kissing butt.

And the blacks should still ignore the LaKermesse-Cheese-Eating-Surrender-Monkey-Collaboration Festival.

Teabaggin' @ssholes... holding fast to their principles... until they're not.

"I Just Don't Care..."

Fat-ass Paul LePage on MPBN:

"Past governors have done what they've done and look at the shape we're in," he says. "I was elected governor to fix the problems and I'm not one that likes the fancy stuff, so take their tradtion and get somebody else to do it. I just don't care about that stuff. I'm there to do a job. I mean, they're just playing silly games I don't have time for."

Unspoken additional: yeah, do they expect me to give a rat's ass about anybody that isn't a teabagger?  I mean, I'm like, you hafta be white conservative rethuglican to mean anything to me, and you guys, like, you're black, for god's sake.

Yup, fat-ass, you're here to do a job.  Unfortunately, the job you think you were elected for -- gutting environmental regulations, eliminating taxes on the wealthy, providing sinecures for your fat-assed family, and just generally being a teabaggin butthole -- is not the job the people of Maine eleccted you for.  And even more unfortunately, the people of Maine aren't going to realize that until you've screwed them seventeen ways from Sunday.

Bringin' Class Back to Politics...

...one loud-mouthed @sshole at a time...

Maine's new governor, the fat-assed Paul LePage, has now pissed off the African-American portion of the population, by telling them to "kiss my butt" when he was asked why he declined to attend several MLK day events.  LePage probably also said -- or at least thought -- "I don't hafta go cuz I'm the governor, so neener neener neener, kiss my quivering, cottage-cheese, Limbaugh-like cellutlite."

Hae also said people should talk to Devon Richard, a black Jamaican "he brought into his home at age 17."  Guy's probably his fat-assed daughter's pokin pal.  Not that anyone would want to poke her lard-assed butt.  Wonder what Devon thinks about ol' Paul dissing the blacks twice in a row (telling Obama to "go to hell" and this little escapade)?

One small problem, though:

LePage often refers to 25-year-old Devon Raymond of Jamaica as his "adopted son." And although the governor and his wife are putting Raymond through college, and Raymond has attended LePage family gatherings with the LePage's other children on a regular basis since the age of 17, Raymond has not been formally adopted. He is also not a U.S. citizen.

[NOTE: MPBN -- Maine Public Broadcasting Network -- shows Devon's last name as Raymond, but most other media outlets say it's Richard.]

Given how much teabaggin rethuglicans hate ever'body who ain't 110% white, God-fearin', Bible-thumpin', hooker-humpin', sister-marryin', rifle-rack-in-the-pickmup Murrican, how can fat-ass LePage justify this? Oh, yeah, I forgot: IOKIYAR.

Since fat-ass LePage also issued -- already -- an executive order allowing (or perhaps requiring) state officials to ask about immigration status, it'll be interesting to see how he reacts when Devon gets jacked up by the Augusta cops for being a non-citizen taking advantage of the benefits of citizenship... like driving, working, breathing, and simply living..

Yeah, he's one class act.  But what do you expect from someone who worked for a bunch that makes Sanford and Sons look like Hammacher-Schlemmer?

Given the fact that LePage is a teabagging ultraconservative ugly-as-homemade-sin dickwad with more chins than a Chinese phonebook, it makes me wonder if he shares the conservative disdain for the French.  Does he hate himself as a "cheese-eating surrender monkey"?

And maybe the black community should tell fat-ass Lepage to kiss their collective butt at this year's La Kermesse Franco-American Cultural Heritage Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey Collaboration Festival.

It's Started Already

I have already received two comments with death threats, obviously from the peace-loving teabaggers of the far right.

I have enabled comment moderation, in that I don't particularly want to subject you to the vile hatred I just received.

If you absolutely must know what the teabaggers and other far-right whackjobs consider civilized discourse, go read the latest "hate mail" post at The Great Orange Satan.

And as for the cowardly little teabaggers who threaten from obviously fake gmail and hotmail accounts...

Screw you. If you don't even have the courage to use your real email address -- which is probably something like cheetoh-stained_underpants@mymommysbasement.net --you're not gonna impress with your "ballsiness", you dickless wonders.

More on Arizona Shootings

[Edited to mark second and third paragraphs from end -- "During the campaign effort" and "I don't see the connection" -- as quotes, which they are.]

From an AP update...

Jared Loughner, identified (unofficially) as the shooter, allegedly posted this on a YouTube video:

"I know who's listening: Government Officials, and the People," Loughner wrote. "Nearly all the people, who don't know this accurate information of a new currency, aren't aware of mind control and brainwash methods. If I have my civil rights, then this message wouldn't have happen (sic)."

That sounds an awful lot like the arguments used by the sovereign citizen/redemptionist/militia crowd (check the labels for other related pieces).

Other examples of the peace-lovin’ teabaggers:

• A San Francisco man upset with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's support of health care reform pleaded guilty to threatening the Democratic congresswoman and her family, calling her directly on March 25 and threatening to destroy her Northern California home if she voted for health care reform.
• In July, a California man known for his anger over left-leaning politics engaged in a shootout with highway patrol officers after planning an attack on the ACLU and another nonprofit group. The man said he wanted to "start a revolution" by killing people at the ACLU and the Tides Foundation.
  

Giffords’ opponent:

During the his campaign effort to unseat Giffords in November, Republican challenger Jesse Kelly held fundraisers where he urged supporters to help remove Giffords from office by joining him to shoot a fully loaded M-16 rifle. Kelly is a former Marine who served in Iraq and was pictured on his website in military gear holding his automatic weapon and promoting the event.

"I don't see the connection," between the fundraisers featuring weapons and Saturday's shooting, said John Ellinwood, Kelly's spokesman. "I don't know this person, we cannot find any records that he was associated with the campaign in any way. I just don't see the connection."

Johnny, if you can't "see the connection" between the violence preached by your candidate, and this shooting, your eyes are worse than Stevie Wonder's.

Shooting in Arizona

I had been planning on posting one of my usual arrogant diatribes against the teabaggers (as personified by the new governor of the State of Maine, Paul LePage, a typical fat-assed, ugly-as-homemade-sin rethuglican twit with more chins than a Chinese phone book), but that got pre-empted by this morning's shooting in Tuscon, Arizona, of US Representative Gabrielle Giffords, a Democrat (well, former rethuglican, now blue-dog Democrat).

As things stand now (5:00 PM Eastern), it looks like 6 dead, including a Federal judge and a 9-year-old girl, and another 12 -- including Giffords -- wounded.

CNN is reporting a 22-year-old is in custody for the shooting.

According to CNN:

She won her third term in a closely contested race against a Tea Party-sponsored candidate and was one of three Democratic legislators who reported vandalism at
their offices following the March vote on health care reform.

The jackwad in custody will probably be some teabagger gun nut who’s pissed because some mere woman beat a good teabaggin male.

This fruit will probably rejoice at the judge's death, cause the teabag sovereign citizen crowd doesn't like judges, especially Federal judges, who say Hispanics and Muslims in this country have the same rights as the white, God-fearin', brown-person-hatin', KKK-robe-wearin', hooker-humpin', sister-marryin', rifle-rack-in-the-pickmup cracker redneck morons.

Guess what, you teabag MO-rons. This is one of YOUR people who did this. You own this. This is what you are promoting as acceptable discourse. This is what Beck and Malkin and Coulter and Limbaugh all stand for. This is what Boner and Lepage and Bachmann and all the rest of the teabaggers support. You demand action, violent action. You say "the tree of liberty must be watered with blood."

You can't turn around now and say "well, I was only kidding."

Teabaggers are murderers. They murder children.

THEY MURDER NINE-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRLS.

Bet you're proud of yourselves now, right, @ssholes?

Republicans: Restoring Honesty to Government.

Yeah, right.

Maine's governor-elect Paul LePage has announced his 22-year-old daughter, Lauren, will be an assistant to his chief of staff at a salary of $41,000 per year, a salary that is "commensurate with her experience, work history and education."

LePage's spokesdrone says state rules against hiring relatives do not apply to politicans with an "R" after their names.

Lessee, her work history... "several stints" clerking at Marden's Surplus and Salvage, a local retailer that is somewhere between Sanford and Sons and Wally World on the retail food chain and waitressing.

Marden's Newspaper Ad

Yup, perfect preparation for a job dealing with "constituent concerns" in the new administration. Lauren, a typical fat-assed, ugly-as-homemade-sin rethuglican twit with more chins than a Chinese phone book, graduated with a degree in biology but apparently decided that politics beat "yew want fries wid dat?".

Lauren LePage, Rethuglican Lust-Goddess

Come to think of it, waitressing and clerking ARE important constituent concerns to a Republican administration, in that those are going to be two of the main constituencies once the Rethugs get settled in.

And Marden's loves buying vacant Wally World stores, because they already have that hopeless, crappy atmosphere.

Be interesting to see if they try to claim the Homestead tax break on the governor's mansion (both LePage and his fat-assed ugly wife tried to claim exemptions on their homes in Florida and Maine, claiming that each was the family's primary residence. They managed to skate however, when a rethuglican judge said it was perfectly understandable that they didn't know where they lived.

LePage, of course, is an ardent teabagger, to the extent that he denied any connection with the teabaggers when questioned by reporters, who then rolled some footage of LePage at various teabagger events, thanking the faithful for their obeisance.

Several weeks back, LePage held a meeting with a number of business leaders -- a meeting from which consumer advocates, environmentalists, and other thinking-types were intentionally excluded -- in which he told the executives "we're already on your side, and we need your help to defeat the legislature."

Let the fun and games begin. This should be almost as good as having ole gee-dumbya back.

New Years Resolutions, Part I

In this holiday season, when the christianist right is demanding that we worship their mythical holy figure (despite the fact that everything they themselves do is completely antithetical to the core tenets of Christianity) while at the same time mindlessly lashing out at those Americans who prefer to think for themselves, I have concluded that it is time to treat them the way they treat everyone else.

Jeff Foxworthy, the alleged comedian who is about as funny as a stroke, once defined "redneck" as "the glorious absence of class." It is his crowd, the teabagger-neocon-wingnut fringe idiots who have elevated stupidity to a desirable status, who revel in their ignorance, who delight in their ability to sow hatred and disgust where ever they may go, who believe that insult, degradation, and humiliation are appropriate and fashionable means of expression.

In their honor, my New Year's resolutions:

• Accept the fact that the only language they understand is their own, a curious mixture of theocratic gobbledygook, country bumpkinisms, and pure unadulterated gibberish that promotes mindless, vicious hatred and vitriolic diatribes against all but their own, with acceptance of the fact that they are so figgin dumb that they could never comprehend Dick and Jane books, never mind something as sophisticated as "My Pet Goat" (which to your average redneck is another term for "girlfriend;
• Understand that the right-wing losers are the way they are because of their tendency to breed early, often, and with members of their immediate family, resulting in a sub-species of slack-jawed drooling inbred idiots whose family trees are nothing but straight lines;
• Realize that their tendencies towards homosexuality-tinged-with-homophobia is due to the fact that their wimmenfolks are (a) syphilitic crackwhores with all the sexual attractiveness of naked mole rats, (b) screeching fingernail-on-the-blackboard fishwives, or (c) fat ignorant sluts who'll spread their sweaty thighs for a shot of Jack Daniels and a half-smoked Kool and that their innate racism is nothing more than camouflage for their desire to get them some dark meat like McCain's half-breed Hindu mistress;
• Accept the fact that their panty-in-a-wad hissy-fittedness in Congress is simply because they know they don't have the brainpower to fart without help.

Thoroughly Disgusted

The Democrats have sunk to a new all-time low in their mindless, hopless quest for bipartisanship and respect from the Rethuglicans.

Today's Portland Press-Herald has an article in which Democratic gubernatorial candidate Libby Mitchell apologized for having posed with a picture of George Bush that labeled him an "International Terrorist." The complaints came from Rethuglican/Teabagger Paul LePage, who showed his respect for the office of the President by telling Obama to "go to hell."

Number one, Bush, by his own administration's definition, IS a terrorist. One definition of terrorist is:

The calculated use of violence or the threat of violence to attain goals that are political, religious, or ideological in nature. This can be done through intimidation, coercion, and use of violence or instilling fear. Terrorism includes a criminal act against persons or property that is intended to influence an audience beyond the immediate victims.

By this definition, Bush certainly qualifies. He used violence (military attacks) to achieve ideological goals (eradication of Islam, elimination of Saddam Hussein, and the perpetuation of his far-right-wing government). These acts were intended to influence an audience beyond the initial victims (i.e., the "PATRIOT Act", warrantless wiretaps of American citizens, etc).

Next, LePage is an absolute charmer himself. After saying he would tell the President of the United States to "go to hell," it turns out he and his wife took advantage of "homestead" tax breaks for their permanent residence. Trouble is, they tried this both in Maine and in Florida (and Florida is now after them for repayment).Now, apparently taking a page from the Sarah Palin school of media relations, he won't answer reporters' questions unless they're in writing (which gives him the option of ignoring them completely). He claims he's not a Tea Partier, yet he has made dozens of appearances at various Tea Party events, each time expressing his admiration for the drooling losers.


It's hysterical that these demands for respect come from the same asshats that delight in sending pictures of the (much-as-it-galls-them) duly elected President of the United States as a Muslim, or a witch doctor, or eating fried chicken and watermelon, or the "Obama Waffles."

The damn Democrats don't understand that the Rethuglicans these days will not do a damn thing proposed by the Democrats. Obama could offer to abolish IRS, ATF, the income tax, and the Fourteenth Amendment and have Ronald Reagan's face placed on the flag and all US currency, and the obstructionist Rethugs would say "hell, no."

This ball-less party to which I belong is going to lose big time this go-round... and we'll have no one to blame but ourselves. We've been bringing a hankie to a frickin' gunfight.